Motherhood confession: I didn't enjoy the baby stage

Written by Amy Eade

Most of my friends who have children often say that they miss the baby stage and yearn to have those newborn snuggles back. I have to admit I am the complete opposite; the older my toddler gets the more fun I'm having. Don't get me wrong, the toddler stage is definitely difficult in many different ways, but the rewards seem so much more to me.

I found the early days difficult and *grits teeth when saying something that may make me appear anything less than grateful for my baby* not altogether enjoyable. There was barely time to come to terms with what was a fairly traumatic birth and there definitely wasn't any time to recover properly physically before becoming fully immersed in motherhood and although I knew it was going to be a 24/7 job, I don't think I had really considered the reality of that. Night times were chaos, day times were filled with Friends reruns while my baby was constantly attached to my boob and the so-called fourth trimester had me good and proper. It was a complete shock to the system and I didn't feel like I knew what I was doing. Days passed in a blur.

Next came the endless pounding of the streets, come rain or shine, to try to get my baby to nap. The sudden spells of more awake time took me by surprise when I realised I didn't know how to actually entertain a very small baby. The small smiles and proper eye contact got me through the very long days that were only ever followed by equally very long nights. The visitors were less frequent and I felt like I should have this whole motherhood thing figured out by now. (Spoiler: I didn't)

From then on though, it got better. Some people say the best day of their life was the day their child was born. This isn't true for me; I've had so many more days since that day that have trumped it by far. Watching my own child start walking, start talking (and never stopping!) and seeing his unique personality shine through has been an absolute honour. Learning and nurturing his interests, helping him navigate the world and laughing together truly are the highlights of my life.

Motherhood is filled with all sorts of emotions, struggles and joys. Reflecting on babyhood is bittersweet because I can't help but think I wish I'd worried less and enjoyed it more, but there's a lot of pressure to 'enjoy every moment of motherhood' and that simply isn't the reality. I do wonder if I did it all over again I would enjoy it more because I would know something of what to expect. What I do know for certain is it gets easier and it just keeps getting better, so rather than focusing on the past I'm living in the moment and loving the wild toddlerhood stage.

And beyond anything, I am extremely grateful to have a healthy, happy little boy who have the honour of I raising.